You aren't really a parent if ...

• You think "Ferberize" is something done to your dry cleaning.

• You've never drunk apple juice from a sippy cup.

• You finish an entire conversation without forgetting what you were talking about.

• You think a convertible car seat is one where the top goes down.

• You've never been pooped, peed, vomited, or spit up on.

• Your purse doesn't contain at least one nipple, rattle, or package of wipes.