You didn't know becoming a parent meant...

• Eating dinner like you're trying to break a world record for the most pasta swallowed in the shortest amount of time. Standing up.

• Letting your partner choose between poop and sleep habits as topics of conversation.

• Figuring out how to pee without putting the baby down.

• Wearing a bra that looks like something from a 1930s catalog.

• Spending an hour getting the baby to sleep and then waking her up two minutes later to make sure she's still breathing.

• Forgetting what you were...